Saying “No” With Grace
Sep 12, 2025
Why is it so hard to say no?
Saying no is a learned skill. And while you may have heard “No is a complete sentence,” you may still be wondering how the heck one actually does that without getting buried in guilt.
The “No” Guilt is Real
Guilt is a normal emotion we feel when we’ve done something wrong or failed to meet an expectation. Woman physicians are often so conditioned by the false belief that they must be available for the needs of others that guilt tends to surround every “no.”
Do you feel like you always have to say YES to every task, opportunity, extra call, paper, manuscript, lecture, or any other thing you’re asked to do?” You want to advance in my field, be respected, and make sure everyone knows you are serious about your job. You feel like you should be GRATEFUL you were considered for extra work, even if it was unpaid work.
Here’s what happens when you live in that false belief:
- You say no…and instantly feel guilt.
- You OVER commit and OVER deliver in other ways out of that guilt.
- You replay your “no” and doubt yourself, feeling shame over and over
- The guilt, followed by shame, makes you feel constantly “less than” for simply saying no to something that you were not able to do, or that didn’t fit in your career focus.
No, I’m not in your head... I’ve lived it.
Here’s the thing: you should NEVER feel bad about setting boundaries and saying no to things that do not serve you, that you are not paid to do, or that you simply can’t/don’t want to do. Recognizing your guilt and understanding that it’s part of being human, you can give yourself some extra grace as you learn the art of the guilt-free “no.”
Why Saying “No” Matters?
Ever thought anything like this:
- I’m afraid I can’t say no.
- Saying no is so hard.
- I don’t want to let anyone down.
- I’m so worried about disappointing people.
- I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
- I don’t know how to say no without feeling guilty.
- I don’t want to be seen as selfish.
Imagine yourself saying no to these: taking a shift for others, rushing to the hospital when you should be in bed, working on holidays or overtime, dealing with patients and their family members... Does it make you feel itchy, heavy with dread, guilty?
Even if it seems impossible to say “no” without guilt, let me assure you it’s possible.
Think about a toddler for a moment. Every toddler is highly skilled in the art of “no” which is proof that you were not born with this guilt... you learned it. Which means you can unlearn it.
Here’s why you need to unlearn that guilt: Simply saying “no” allows you to prioritize your needs and goals and focus on your well-being. It helps you stay aligned with your boundaries, goals, and priorities. Saying “no” is a powerful way to take back control of your time and your life.
Grace and Gratitude
A great way to start saying no is by expressing grace and gratitude.
Grace, in the context of saying "no," means being polite, considerate, and respectful when declining a request or offer. “Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm unable to take on this project right now.” This is a great way to say no in the kindest way possible without leaving any room for doubt.
Expressing gratitude shows recognition, appreciation, and thoughtfulness even though you are unable to give a "yes.” And showing gratitude while being clear about your answer will help with that unwarranted guilt.
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries
Boundaries are the limits and rules that you establish for yourself and others. It could be physical, emotional, mental, or time limits. Setting boundaries allows you to communicate your needs while also respecting the needs of others.
10 Quick Steps to Practice Boundaries:
- Set realistic and achievable goals.
- Take time every day to relax and recharge.
- Don't take on more than you can handle.
- Respect other people's time and opinions.
- Set clear boundaries with others and don't be afraid to enforce them.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
- Respect your body and get enough rest and exercise.
- Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and what you believe in.
- Know when to take a break and when to work hard.
- Don't be afraid to ask for what you need.
Say “Yes” to Saying “No”
To manage guilt when saying no, remind yourself of the reasons why you need to say no. Saying “no” to something that is not for you opens doors for better “yeses” in your future!
Saying no does not make you weak or selfish, it makes you a strong and self-aware individual who values and respects yourself. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for other people's happiness, and you don't have to always be available.
Saying no does not mean you don't care about others, it's about finding a balance between taking care of yourself and being there for others. When you take care of yourself first, you can be present and supportive of others.
Practice saying “no” this week. Remember your why, hold to your boundaries, and let go of guilt.
Need Help Setting Firm Boundaries and Saying No?
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