How to Identify and Release Unrealistic Goals
Oct 18, 2024How many times have you set a goal, charged ahead with excitement, and then found yourself feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or even frustrated because the progress you hoped for just isn’t happening?
Maybe it is that fitness routine you have tried (and failed) to maintain for years, or that career milestone that always seems just out of reach. If you are nodding along, you are not alone. In fact, the frustration we feel when chasing certain goals can often be traced back to one source: we are aiming for unrealistic goals.
The truth is, many of us are unknowingly carrying the weight of illusionary goals—those shiny, impressive objectives that look perfect on paper but do not quite fit the reality of our lives, values, or capabilities. We set these goals because they sound ambitious and push us to achieve something bigger, but often they are rooted in external pressures or comparisons rather than what we need or want. These unrealistic goals keep us feeling stuck, constantly striving but never feeling satisfied, and worse, they make us question our worth when we cannot seem to reach them. It is a cycle that leaves us exhausted, frustrated, and feeling like no matter what we do, it is never enough.
But what if we stopped striving for these impossible standards that do not serve us? What if we gave ourselves permission to shift our focus from trying to do it all to setting goals that fit who we are and where we are in life?
Instead of chasing perfection, we could create goals that are clear, attainable, and aligned with our true values and capacity, goals that not only support our personal and professional growth but also bring us peace and a deeper sense of fulfillment. When we let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace goals that reflect our authentic selves, we open up space to achieve success on our terms, without the constant pressure or self-doubt. This shift allows us to feel more in control, more confident, and ultimately more satisfied with our lives.
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Realistic vs Unrealistic Goals
When it comes to setting goals, there is a big difference between realistic and unrealistic ones, though sometimes it is easy to blur the lines. Realistic goals are those that fit into our life as it is right now. They are clear, specific, and, most importantly, attainable. These goals are flexible and allow us to make progress at a steady pace, making us feel accomplished and motivated to keep going.
Unrealistic goals, on the other hand, are those that do not take into account our current situation, resources, or limits. They often come from a place of pressure, comparison, or wanting to meet an ideal that is not our own. These kinds of goals set us up for disappointment because they are too big, too fast, or too disconnected from what we can realistically achieve. Unrealistic goals leave us feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and like a failure when really, the problem is not you—it is that the goal itself was unattainable from the start.
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Identifying Your Unrealistic Goals
The first step in freeing ourselves from unrealistic goals is learning to identify them. Here are a few signs that you might be pursuing an illusionary goal:
The Goal is Out of Alignment with Our Values
When we pursue goals that don’t align with our core values, they often feel like an uphill battle. Ask yourself: Does this goal resonate with my personal values, or am I doing it because I feel pressured by others’ expectations or societal norms?
When goals are driven by external pressures rather than our true desires, they become unrealistic and unsatisfying, keeping us stuck in a cycle of chasing something that would not fulfill us.
You Are Continuously Stressed or Overwhelmed
Unrealistic goals often leave us feeling like we are constantly in overdrive. If your goals feel like a source of stress rather than motivation, they may not be suited to your current situation. Goals should energize you, not drain you.
Progress Feels Impossible
Have you been working toward a goal for a long time but see little to no progress? This can be a sign that your expectations may be too high or that the timeline you have set is not realistic for your circumstances.
Goal Requires Sacrificing Personal Well-being
A goal that comes at the expense of your mental or physical health is unrealistic. Sacrificing sleep, relationships, or self-care to reach an objective is not sustainable and can lead to long-term consequences.
Goal Isn’t Measurable
If your goal is vague—like "be successful" or "get in shape"—it is easy to feel like you are falling short because there is no clear definition of success. Unrealistic goals often lack specific, measurable outcomes.
5 Steps to Identify and Release Unrealistic Goals
Once we have identified unrealistic goals, the next step is letting them go. This process can feel daunting because we often tie our identity to our ambitions. But releasing goals that no longer serve you is one of the most freeing and empowering things you can do. Here’s how:
1. Reflect on Our "Why”
Let’s start by asking ourselves why we set a particular goal in the first place. Is it something we genuinely want, or is it influenced by external pressures, comparisons, or societal expectations? Unrealistic goals often stem from a desire to meet an ideal that does not align with our true values.
If the goal does not resonate with our personal desires or fulfill our deeper "why," it is a clear indication that it may not be worth holding on to. By reflecting on our motivations, we can better understand whether a goal serves us or if it is time to let it go in favor of something that aligns more closely with who we are.
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2. Evaluate Current Resources
Let’s take an honest look at our time, energy, and support system. Can we realistically accomplish this goal with what we have right now? For instance, if we are aiming for a big promotion at work while juggling family responsibilities and prioritizing self-care, is there enough time in our day to pursue this fully? If the goal demands more than we can give at this moment, it is a clear sign that it might be unrealistic.
Recognizing our limitations and being mindful of what we can commit to is essential in setting ourselves up for success. By evaluating our current resources, we can better align our goals with our real-life circumstances and create a more manageable path forward.
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3. Break Down the Goal into Steps
A good way for us to test whether a goal is realistic is by breaking it down into smaller, actionable steps. If each step feels reasonable and doable, we are likely on the right track. However, if we find that even the smaller tasks feel overwhelming or unclear, it could be a sign that the goal is too ambitious or vague. In that case, it is important for us to consider releasing the goal if it feels more like a burden than a manageable plan. Focusing on attainable steps can help us regain clarity and motivation as we work toward our objectives.
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4. Listen to Our Gut and Emotions
We need to pay close attention to how our goals make us feel. If pursuing a particular goal leaves us feeling constantly anxious, stressed, or inadequate, that is a major red flag. Our goals should inspire and motivate us, not drain our energy or diminish our self-esteem. If we find ourselves feeling more discouraged than empowered, it is a clear signal that it might be time to let go of that unrealistic goal. Instead, we can focus on setting objectives that align better with our emotional and mental well-being, allowing us to thrive rather than simply survive.
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5. Set Boundaries and Let Go Gracefully
Once we have identified an unrealistic goal, it is crucial for us to set boundaries for ourselves. We need to acknowledge that it is perfectly okay to change course and that letting go does not mean we have failed; rather, it is an essential act of self-care. As we focus on establishing goals that prioritize our well-being, personal growth, and what feels achievable in our current lives, we can begin to create a healthier path forward.
By releasing unrealistic goals, we open up space for objectives that align with our values and aspirations, allowing us to thrive both personally and professionally. This shift not only helps us feel more fulfilled but also empowers us to pursue goals that genuinely reflect who we are and what we want.
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Choose the Path Forward
Releasing unrealistic goals is one of the most liberating things you can do for yourself. When we are no longer bound by goals that do not serve us, we find space to pursue what matters: peace, growth, and purpose.
Set boundaries, find peace, and give yourself the grace to change direction when needed. Align your goals with who you are today, not who you think you should be. Remember, the most meaningful growth happens when we let go of perfectionism and embrace a purpose-driven approach to life.
So, here’s to setting goals that lift us up, not weigh us down—to pursuing personal and professional growth in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling. Because when we release the unrealistic, we create room for what matters.
Now, let’s get out there and start dreaming with our feet on the ground.
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